young couple breastfeeding

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Dads often complain that they feel left out when their babies are breastfeeding. They feel they want to jump in and help out, but have no idea where they could be useful. They see the mom and baby struggling and don’t really know how to offer help. Many will say to me, “Hey, if I could just breastfeed for my partner I’d gladly do it!” But, the truth is that, no matter how much we have evolved and men and women have become “equal,” men still do not have the breast milk to offer the baby. (Perhaps that’s not a pretty image or even a pleasant thought.) Yes, it is true that mothers can pump their milk and put it into a bottle, but the healthiest way for babies is to get the breast milk is directly from the breast.

So how do dads support and help during breastfeeding time? Here are a few ways dad can help while mom and babe breastfeed:

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Grab a handful of pillows and plop them behind the mother’s back, under her arms and in front of her to help support her baby.

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Dads can also be a huge help by holding down the baby’s flying arm while the mother is trying to achieve a good latch. Women always seem to struggle with the babies arms.

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Offer to burp that baby. It is hard for a woman to get up once she is finally comfortably sitting or lying down, and most dads become “master baby burpers.” The good ones can be seen dancing and singing around the room waiting for that magical burp to come out.

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Changing the baby’s diaper will also be helpful for the breastfeeding mom. Women often struggle to find their “perfect” breastfeeding position, so it is difficult for the mother to get up to change the baby, afraid to lose that “flawless” position.

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Encourage mom to take a break sometimes from the baby, after the baby has finished breastfeeding, so she can take a shower or sit calmly to eat a meal. Being together with a well-fed, burped baby is the best “hanging-out time.”

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How about giving the mom a wonderful a foot or shoulder massage? Okay, this may not really be a breastfeeding tip but it can sure make your lady happy! Moms usually sit or lay in contorted positions when they are first learning how to nurse properly. Mom will forever be thankful to you for soothing 

So you feel you may need to wean your baby? But you may have been given incorrect information, so let’s first review some misconceptions to see if you indeed need to wean your baby. Let’s go through the most common reasons women feel they need to wean.

  • Pregnant – You do not have to wean if you become pregnant. Most woman can breastfeed after they become pregnant. If your body is still producing milk, you can nurse all the way through your pregnancy. Your body can safely produce milk for the baby and also leave enough nutrients for the fetus. Some women’s first sign that they are pregnant is either decreased milk supply or intense nipple pain that is not from a yeast infection. But, if you do not have either one of these challenges, then you can continue breastfeeding without complications. I do suggest that woman stop breastfeeding by the seventh month of the pregnancy, so your older baby has a chance to find other comforts, and will not be jealous of the new baby. I personally do not think that tandem nursing is the best choice. I feel that the dynamic and intimate relationship you have with a baby is a special time that helps the child develop properly and builds self-confidence. I have found in my practice that the older child tends to use the breastfeeding manipulatively and use the breast as a way of getting attention from the mother, which allows for increased jealousy toward the new baby!
  • Baby has teeth – If your baby has teeth you do not have to wean. Most babies will learn very quickly how to nurse with their new teeth, without hurting their mothers. If your baby is biting you and using you as a teething ring, the best way to handle it is to look into your baby’s eyes, when she bites you, and firmly say no biting. Next, put your baby down safely—on a blanket on the floor, or in a baby seat—and walk out of the room for a moment. Then walk back into the room, pick up the baby and while looking into the baby’s eyes state that biting hurts you; then continue nursing the baby. Babies are very smart and will learn quickly that biting you while nursing is not part of your relationship. What usually happens is that a baby will bite her mom, who screams in pain—a reaction that draws a shocked look on a baby’s face—a look of confusion which mother attempts to sooth with a kiss. However, mom’s loving approach only reinforces the bad behavior, rather than shut it down. Consider too that a mom’s scream can be accompanied by a funny or oddly contorted face, which often makes a baby laugh—which now becomes an established pattern of yell, funny face, and kiss—which baby looks forward to repeating! The best way to stop the biting from becoming a habit is to stop the behavior quickly after the first bite. And know that kissing your baby after a bite is inappropriate, and gives the wrong message to your baby.
  • You are going back to work – If you are going back to work you do not need to wean. A lot of women are not successful with pumping milk from their breasts, so they feel that if they are going back to work full-time, they have to quit nursing. It is important to note that one reason why women do not pump well, even though they often have a wonderful supply of breast milk, is because there are only a few flange sizes available, and often women cannot find the proper flange size that fits their particular shaped breasts. If a woman has established her breastfeeding properly, and the baby is thriving on the breast; she does not have to quit nursing if she cannot pump successfully at work. When it is time to go back to work, you can still continue breastfeeding in the mornings before work, when you come home from work, and during the night. Even if you do not pump during your working hours, your body will still produce enough milk during the time you have provided for nursing your baby. And if you want to, you can nurse exclusively on the weekends, because the breast does not ‘store’ milk from feed to feed, rather it is made immediately as the baby compresses the breast. Fresh milk is produced as the baby is suckling, so you can still produce milk on your days off.

After all that has been said, if you feel you need to wean your baby for other reasons, we will discuss proper weaning methods in our next discussion on this topic.

As the weather gets warmer and mothers and babies begin to spend more time outdoors breastfeeding mothers always wonder whether their babies need to be supplemented with water. The answer to this question is no! Breastmilk contains 88% water and breastmilk is perfected formulated to satisfy baby’s needs no matter what the weather is. Giving water to a breastfeeding baby 6 months and younger is actually more dangerous than helpful. A breastfeeding mother who herself is well-hydrated and is allowing her baby to breastfeed as often as the baby desires will stay perfectly hydrated no matter how hot the weather becomes. A number of studies have been done in various locations (both humid and dry) at temperatures ranging from 22-41°C (71.6-105.8°F) and 9-96% relative humidity and these studies have determined that an exclusively breastfed baby does not need extra water . Giving supplemental water to a newborn (under 5 weeks old) can actually be dangerous. Too much water can dilute the sodium in the baby’s bloodstream to the point where “oral water intoxication” develops. Oral water intoxication can lead to symptoms like low body temp, bloating, and seizures. Breastfeeding babies that have reached the 6 month mark also do not need water, but it is not harmful if they occasionally sip water from a cup.

Although breastfed babies do not need any supplemental water, it is interesting to note that formula fed babies sometimes do require some water. Formula fed babies may need water supplements due to the renal solute load of formula (the higher salt level is harder on their kidneys, and they may need extra water in order to excrete it). Formula fed babies also have less efficient metabolisms than breastfed babies, so they use up water faster.

Women can maintain a career and breastfeed, but it is very important that the breastfeeding is well established before the introduction of the bottle, if that has become the mother’s choice for getting back to work. A bottle should not be introduced before six weeks, but if possible, waiting until eight to ten weeks is even better. The reason for this is that most babies take a minimum of six weeks to learn how to master and become a professional on the breast. The mistake women make is they are afraid that if they do not introduce a bottle in the first few weeks of life, their baby will not take a bottle. The truth is, conversely, that a baby who is nursing well and truly being satisfied on the breast, will be able to figure out and learn how to take a bottle in the mothers absence. However, when the time is right for the bottle to be introduced, it is better for someone other than the mother to introduce the bottle so that the baby identifies the bottle only with another caregiver and not with the mother. The problem of bottle verses breast occurs when a baby is struggling on the breast, not getting the amount of milk he needs, and then is given a bottle as a supplement or substitute. When this happens, the baby will often reject the breast thinking, “Wow I was struggling on the breast and this bottle is so much easier. Now if I throw a tantrum when my mother offers the breast, I will get that ‘easy’ bottle instead”. Breastfeeding is a learned art and some babies learn the skill faster than others. If the baby does not seem satisfied after breastfeeding, get help from a professional as soon as possible. After the baby gets a few corrections and is given the time to practice, most babies will master the breast and then be able to transfer back and forth from bottle to breast.

  • It is very important that the breastfeeding is well established before the introduction of the bottle, if that has become the mother’s choice for getting back to work.
  • A bottle should not be introduced before six weeks, but if possible, waiting until eight to ten weeks is even better. Most babies take a minimum of six weeks to learn how to master and become a professional on the breast.
  • A baby, who is nursing well and truly being satisfied on the breast, will be able to figure out and learn how to take a bottle in the mother’s absence.
  • It is better for someone other than the mother to introduce the bottle so that the baby identifies the bottle only with another caregiver and not with the mother.
  • Breastfeeding is a learned art and some babies learn the skill faster than others. If the baby does not seem satisfied after breastfeeding, get help from a professional as soon as possible.

After the baby gets a few corrections and is given the time to practice, most babies will master the breast and then be able to transfer back and forth from bottle to breast.

So you really feel it is time to wean your baby and you are wondering what is the best way to approach it. A lot depends on the age of your child. , but your Babies under the age of six months will usually transition quite easily to the bottle. As a child ages and realizes that their relationship with the breast is more than just nutrients are when things become a little trickier. Babies are smart, and often will protest; especially if they see their mom standing there with breasts filled with milk. Before we go into a few methods of weaning let’s review a few things.

A baby can nurse from a mother successfully up until four years of age (I understand that that is not the ‘norm’ in our modern society), but the woman’s body will produce healthful milk filled with vitamins and nutrients until the baby is age four. If you decide to wean sooner it is important to ask yourself a few questions:

  • “Is this what I feel is intuitively correct, or are others influencing me.”
  • “Has my baby stopped gaining the weight the baby was gaining before?”
  • “Am I taking a medication my doctors has told me I cannot continue breastfeeding with?”

(Dr. Thomas Hale has a book that discusses which medications are safe while you are breastfeeding and unfortunately most doctors do not know this information).

It is important to speak with a qualified lactation consultant so you make sure there is another solution to your problem other than weaning, but if you really feel you must wean lets go over a few rules.

  • You need to cut down slowly because you are producing more milk than you think. You need to have cut down to two feeds a day.
  • When you are down to two feeds a day we will use ice and cabbage to reduce the swelling in your breasts.
  • Ice your breasts 6x a day for 10 minutes.
  • Wear cabbage in your bra throughout the day. Use green cabbage, crunch the leaf in your hand to break the leaves, place against your skin inside of your bra. Wear until the smell of cabbage gets to you.
  • Don’t just take away breastfeeding suddenly. Change is difficult for most people, that includes your baby. Make sure to speak with your child not matter what the age of the child is explaining the process you and your baby is going through. All people like to be explained clearly what is changing in their lives.
  • After you have gotten down to one feed a day, many cultures will put an herb or oil on the breast that does not taste good so that the child makes a decision themselves to stop that final nurse per day. It is not cruel. If a child is well loved and taken care of than it is best for the child to make that final choice. That way the child does not think that their mother took something away from them. They have made the decision on their own.
  • Some suggested nipple applications are olive oil with a little black pepper or aloe vera.

Weaning your baby is often difficult for both the mother and the baby. Some herbal suggestions for the mother are below. The herbs are best taken in tincture form and the usual dose is 25 drops diluted in either juice or water, either with or without food.

  • Motherwort – can help balance her hormones and help with the gloomy sad feelings.
  • Lemon balm – can help the mother feel more relaxed and calm.
  • Skullcap – used for nervousness and anxiety.

So, you have given birth and your life has changed forever. You have waited nine months, endured the pain of labor and now you have your gorgeous newborn laying gracefully on your belly, waiting for his opportunity to breastfeed. You want only the best for your baby. But as your baby lays gently on your stomach, unseen bacteria are bombarding his skin! Is colonizing your baby with bacteria what you had in mind when you thought of giving your baby the “best?” You bet it is. “One of the few naturally sterile places on earth is a woman’s womb” writes Stephen Harrod Buhner, in his book The Lost Language of Plants. “The gestation period prior to birth is the only time any human body is bacteria free. Ideally… the baby is immediately placed on the mother’s chest near the nipple. During the same period that the first movements towards bonding are taking place, the bacteria that are living on the mother’s skin begin to colonize her baby’s body. (It is perhaps no coincidence that the largest numbers of bacteria on the human body live near the nipple-the armpit). When the infant begins to nurse the interior of the baby’s intestinal tract is colonized with bacterial as well, from the skin around the nipple and it the milk itself , and these bacteria are crucially important.” As a full grown adult we carry one to two pounds of bacteria in and on our bodies; this bacteria is the first line of defense for our immune system and helps in the prevention of disease. This is one of the reasons why breastfeeding our children is so important. Besides the important vitamins and nutrients that breastmilk supplies, it also provides beneficial bacteria. More specifically, breastfeeding introduces lactobacilli and other bacteria into the intestinal tract of newborns. Lactobacillus acidophilus bacteria create important vitamins such as B1, B2, B3, B12 and folic acid into their intestinal tract, helping them digest food. The mother’s first milk colostrum helps supply this lactobacilli which prepares the baby’s intestines for the rest of his life. In addition to helping the baby get off to a great start, does that first breastfeed have any benefit for the mother? Breastfeeding immediately after birth produces physiological benefits for the mother by: helping to contract the uterus back to its normal size, preventing hemorrhaging from the torn uterine blood vessels, and completing labor with the detachment and ejection of the placenta.

Considering the newborn infant again, at birth the skin has to adapt to the environment that is more complex than the environment in the womb. The child’s skin which is made up of millions of sensors has to get used to atmospheric changes, changes in pressure, air movements, gases, particles, viruses, and bacteria, as we have already discovered. Does touching the baby help him adjust? Does caressing the baby help with survival? Or does this touching only serve to overwhelm a system that is first attempting to regulate a myriad of new stimuli? The reality is that the skin is the largest sensory organ in the body, and the additional touching that a woman tends to do while she breastfeeds her baby; caressing his cheeks, holding his hands and counting his fingers, and stoking his legs, helps the baby grow and thrive. Researchers have found that human babies deprived of touch, showed decreased growth hormone and developed a condition called psychosocial dwarfism; a condition in which they did not increase in size even after receiving injections of growth hormone. Only with the introduction of human touch did these infants grow. This finding implies that touch causes something beneficial to occur at the cellular level, that allows the cells to respond to growth hormone. Simply stated, babies need to be handled, carried, caressed, and cuddled in order to grow and thrive. Yes, a woman who chooses to bottle feed her baby can caress and hold her baby, but both the quantity and quality of that experience is even richer and more intimate during breastfeeding. When a woman breastfeeds, the front of her torso begins to warm, as her skin reacts to the contact with her child, lying on her stomach. As her baby lies there, the blood vessels of her torso heat up, as a mechanism to help ensure a warm regulated temperature for her child. This happens as a skin-skin reaction, which causes her oxytocin levels rise.

Not only is touch good for the newborn’s body, but it also helps with neurological development. Researchers now believe that touch promotes the growth of myelin, the insulating material around nerves that makes nerve impulses travel faster. On another side of physiological development, touching also appears to help with digestion. Babies receiving extra touch have exhibited enhanced secretion of digestive hormones. Researchers believe that this is another reason why infants who are frequently touched show better growth, because their digestive systems function more efficiently, as a consequence of touch.

Babies not only need to be touched; they also need to touch. This is one reason many cultures do not put gloves on their newborns; which is unfortunately the common custom now in America, for baby’s hands to be clothed in tiny mittens. From the baby’s touch, the mother produces the powerful hormone called oxytocin, which is needed for the productions of breastmilk. What’s interesting is that as babies root, or reflexively turn and search for the nipple, they massage the mother’s breast with their hands. Dr. Kerstin Moberg, one of the foremost authorities on oxytocin writes in her book The Oxytocin Factor, “During this time (as baby massages the breast), repeated pulses of oxytocin are released into the mother’s system. It seems that the baby creates these pulses, since the stimulation of the breast by the baby’s hand s and the sucking activity are strongly correlated to the number of oxytocin pulses.”

Breastfeeding also stimulates the baby on both sides of his body . Ashley Montagu in his book, Touching writes, “A breastfeeding mother holds the child at alternate breasts for feedings, thereby giving equal stimulation and exercise to both sides of the infant’s face and head, as well as other parts of the body…the bottle feeding mother tends to hold the child in whatever position is comfortable…holding the infant on one side most of the time may not be altogether to the advantage of the child.”

With all that has been said till this point, the one caveat that you should know is that breastfeeding is not instinctive, it is a learned behavior. Yes it is true that all babies have a desire to suckle, that much is instinctive, but most babies need to learn the skill of actually transferring milk from the breast into their stomachs. The problem is that most new moms don’t know enough about breastfeeding to teach the correct technique to their child. And if breastfeeding is hurting, then the mother is not properly latching her baby onto the breast. Babies need stimulation way back in their throat to properly feed, and most woman only allow their babies to stimulate of the front portion of the baby’s mouth! What does this mean?

If you stick your tongue up to the roof of your mouth you will feel that it is hard; this is the hard palate. Now, pull your tongue back to where it begins to feel soft, or the beginning of the soft palate. It is at this spot, between the hard and soft palates, where the baby needs pull in the breast tissue; way back toward the infant’s throat. To help accomplish this proper placement of the nipple deep within the baby’s mouth, is a technique called RAM, or rapid arm movement. In this technique the mother brings the baby onto the breast very quickly, so the baby does not have sufficient time to just stop and latch onto only part of the nipple. Once the baby experiences the sensation of having the breast tissue between his hard and soft palates, he will want to repeat that sensation, with the result that he will be properly breastfeeding. If the mother cannot seem to accomplish this placement for a proper latch, then she should seek help from a certified lactation consultant. If we stop and consider that if a child wasn’t walking or talking it would be expected for the parents to seek out specialists for help. The same applies to breastfeeding; if you and your baby are not getting the perfect latch-on, run and get help. And don’t stop demanding help till the nursing is working perfectly, because it’s what babies need to be the best that they can be, and that’s what every mother wants to give to her child.

MYTH: All breastfeeding babies need to drink the same amount of food at each feed just like formula babies do.

Truth: When a baby is breastfeed, that baby will take in a different amount of breast milk at each feed. In a twenty-four hour period, a baby needs to take in a certain amount of total ounces and a certain amount of total calories in order to thrive, but that baby will take in a different amount of milk at each individual feed, depending on the infant’s hunger and mood. When an infant is bottle fed, the caregiver will pour the exact amount of formula into a bottle at each feed and expect the baby to drink the entire poured amount. Even if the child turns his head a way, the caregiver will do her best to try to “force” the child to eat the amount in the bottle. With breastfeeding, the breast does not show “ounces”; the normal, healthy baby is allowed to take in what he wants and needs. (Assuming that the baby is not the product of a premature birth or has a suckling disorder–to name the most common difficulties.) So, for example, a six week old baby might take in 2.4 ounces at one feed, 3 ounces at the next feed and only 1.8 ounces during the following feed. As a general rule, the thing to remember is, “what goes in, must come out”. Looking at diapers is the way nursing mothers are supposed to gage how the breastfeeding is going. As long as the baby is producing six to eight diapers in a twenty-four hour period, and is happy, the breastfeeding mother can stop worrying about “how much the baby is getting”.

Myth: I need to pump all of the excess milk out of my breast after the baby breastfeeds, so that there will be more milk for my baby’s next feed.

Truth: Pumping after each feed is not only unnecessary, but can also cause other problems. A woman is not supposed to “drain” her breast after the baby nurses to insure she has enough milk for the next feed. If the baby is nursing well and is happy, there will automatically be the perfect amount of milk produced for her baby both during her present feed as well as for the next feed. Besides, there is no such thing as “emptying” a breast. The breast does not fill up with milk then drain out, but instead, the breast will continue to refill with milk every time milk is taken out. That is why if a woman had to nurse another woman’s baby, after nursing her own baby, she would still produce enough milk for both babies. Consequently, pumping after each feed actually gives the brain the incorrect message–to produce more milk then the woman needs. With proper nursing, the woman’s brain will judge how much milk is coming out of the breast and will help calculate the amount the baby needs at the next feed. This is not to say, that if you must occasionally leave your baby it would be wrong to pump, however, pumping habitually after each feed only serves to confuse the body. Excess pumping can also cause unnecessary engorgement and often sore nipples because the pressure of a pump on the nipple is different than the pressure of a baby nursing

Q. What breastfeeding tips do you have for a mom of multiples that wants to breastfeed?

  • Whenever I work with new moms of multiples I always see each baby separately for the first visit. It is very important that you learn the strengths and weaknesses of each baby and lean them as an individual rather than just a multiple.
  • After I have analyzed each baby as an individual and taught the mother about each child as an individual then we are ready to learn how to set up a schedule for the mother so she can stay ‘sane,’ and teach her babies to nurse from her quickly and effectively.

Q. What breastfeeding tips do you have for a mom that is going back to work and wants to continue to breastfeed?

  • Some women are great ‘pumpers’ and can pump easily when they are at work, other woman just do not pump well. If a woman cannot pump well she can still nurse her baby before she leaves for work, and every few hours when she gets home, also, important to note, that if she is not working on the weekends she will have enough milk for the entire weekend even if she does not pump during her work hours.
  • I also suggest to not offer the baby a bottle during the first six weeks of the baby’s life. It is important to allow the baby to really become proficient at the breast before offering a bottle. If a baby is a good ‘nurser,’ the baby can learn how to use a bottle, but if a baby never really understands how the breast works, the baby may reject the breast once offered the bottle.

Q. What products can you recommend for a breastfeeding mom?

  • I like moms to learn how to breastfeed without any tools or products. We teach the baby how to nurse properly using just her breast and her baby’s mouth, then and I teach the mother how to hand express their breasts without the use of a pump.
  • For nipple pain I first fix the latch properly and then a woman usually doesn’t need any nipple creams, if she is cracked we first try plain olive oil, or there is a nice product made my motherlove.

1) How can breastfeeding impact mental health of both babies and mothers?

  • Breastfeeding is a way that mothers and babies communicate without words. Moms begin to feel the energy of their babies by the way they breathe or pause when they are nursing. It becomes a deep symbiotic relationship that is a deep communication.
  • Communicating without words allow the child to learn to pick up on cues which than helps them read peoples cues as they get older.
  • Breastfed babies are often very secure and confident as they age because the skills they learn at the breast: love, compassion, patience, communication is just not able to be communicated by feeding with a bottle.

2) What are benefits of breastfeeding (overall health and specifically mental health) for mothers and babies?

  • Women feel more secure in their ability to parent because they can solely nourish their child increasing their self-confidence and understanding their child’s needs at a very deep level.
  • Babies get nutrients in such a loving way that they associate food with love and caring not just nutrients. There is a lot less obesity as children age that were breastfeed.

3) What are some potential negative mental/overall health impacts of breastfeeding? What are some ways to counteract this?

  • I can’t really think of any negative associations with breastfeeding unless the woman is not managing her time properly and becomes angry and resentful that she doesn’t have enough time for her needs.
  • If a woman is not taught the proper do’s & don’ts of breastfeeding, her lack of knowledge could be very frustrating allowing for the baby to also feel frustrated.

4) Add any other important information mothers should know about breastfeeding.

  • After having worked with over 5000 breastfeeding mothers and babies, I know that for most women, breastfeeding is a learned behavior. Most mother want to breastfeed their babies, but the majority of women need to be taught and directed. Some women have large nipples, some small. Some women have large breasts, some small. Some babies have large mouths, some small. Woman need to be guided in order to understand how their specific dyad works. They need to be encouraged, that breastfeeding, like any other learned skill, takes time to master. A woman must be patient and strong in order to walk the path not only as a breastfeeding mother, but as a parent to a fabulous new baby.

When a baby is nursing, rather than being bottle-fed, the baby will take in a different amount of liquid at each feed. In a twenty-four hour period, a baby needs to take in a certain amount of total ounces and a certain amount of total calories in order to thrive, but a nursing baby will take in a different amount of milk at each individual feed, depending on the infant’s hunger and mood. When an infant is bottle fed, the caregiver will pour the exact amount of formula into a bottle at each feed and expect the baby to drink the entire poured amount. Even if the child turns his head a way, the caregiver will do her best to try to “force” the child to eat the amount in the bottle. With nursing, the mother’s body does not display “ounces”; so the typical, healthy baby is allowed to take in whatever amount he wants and needs. (Babies that are premature or have a suckling disorder will need to have a different protocol to insure that they receive enough milk at each feed.)

So for example, a six week old baby might take in 2.4 ounces at one feed, 3 ounces at the next feed and only 1.8 ounces during the following feed. But how do we know if this baby has taken in that ‘certain amount of total ounces and a certain amount of total calories in order to thrive’, that was mentioned earlier? As a general rule, the thing to remember is, “what goes in must come out”; therefore, looking for a content baby and by counting the amount of soiled diapers her baby is producing, a nursing mother can gage how their nursing is going. As long as the baby is producing six to eight dirty diapers in a twenty-four hour period, the nursing mother can stop worrying about “how much the baby is getting” and, with confidence, focus instead on her baby’s happiness and periodic growth.